&& We may win or we may loose ;; TABS

[Brookelle Van Cordlandt]

BRETT § HILLS

» SOMETIMES IN LIFE, YOU HAD TO JUST TAKE A BREAK FROM everything. The people, the annoying voices from the people, and the sounds coming from everything around you. School, homework, teachers, drama and lies. That would be quite the place, wouldn't it? And although you have to admit, it would be nice for a while, I think it would eventually get boring and dull. There would be nothing to look forward to, eventually. Everything would be the same. Day, after day, after day. You would always know what to expect. There would be no such thing as suprises, excitement, or any real emotion, for that matter. Emotionless, painless, dull.
I would like to see what that would be like for a day.

» BUT LATELY, THAT HAD NOT BEEN AT ALL POSSIBLE. MY HEART continued to throb like someone had put a knife right through it, beating painfully with each passing second. In my mind echoed, over and over, the voice and words that Ellen spoke to me on the phone two days ago. "Brett. She's dead." Ever since that moment I have been nothing more than dead. No help to anyone, and I was honestly nothing to the world anymore. My only reason to live was gone. Forever. And it would never be coming back, I knew this because not only was it a girl who I had loved more than anything that I had lost, but just the feeling of the love alone. Skylar wasn't just any of the girls in the past that I had loved. I knew she was the first girl I had actually fallen in love with. Her eyes, her hair, her scent, her touch, everything about her was addicting. I never imagined myself being able to live without her and well, here I am, just as dead as her. Only thing different was that my heart was still beating. Which, with just the smallest overdose, I could fix with no problems.

» I TOOK IN THE CLEAN SMELL OF FRESH AIR AND HORSES, NOT doing any help for my pounding head, not like I expected it to anyway. It would probably stay this way until I saw a doctor, unless I finished myself off first. I ran my hands through the soft, green grass below me. The wind felt nice as it blew against my warm skin and through my hair, blowing it acrossed my face. If this were Wellington, this spot would be exactly where me and Skylar would have first met. I looked over to see my sister's hosre, Abercrombie standing in the pasture, perfectly still and alert as a car drove down the driveway and into the parking lot. The sun hit down on the big bay's glossy, smooth coat that made him look almost not even real.

» AH, BUT THE SERENITY OF THE SETTING AROUND ME RELAXED ME, some. There was no disrupting sounds or voices. Only the wind howling through the trees and grass, and a few of the horses in the pasture next to me snacking on the grass. It reminded me too much of Skylar. If this was Wellington I swear she would just be there with me, away from all danger and pain, and in my arms, safe with me. Always.

» BUT NO MATTER HOW PEACEFUL OR SERENE THE SURROUNDINGS may be, the memories continued to swirl around in my head freely, continuing to torture me without a care. My mind was flooded, I couldn't help not to think of her anymore.

» CASSIE WAS SICK THAT DAY, SO OF COURSE I WAS LEFT TO TAKE care of Salute for her, her precious, precious Eventing horse that couldn't go a day without at least being outside and groomed. I was dreading it enough, and it really helped when Salute had found his own way of breaking out of the pasture and deciding to take a real quick gallop around the property. "God dammit! Fucking horse is going to hell." I muttered under my breath as I went and snatched the leadrope from the post of the fence, walking off to make my way to attempt to go find the stupid horse for myself. Until out of no where, I heard a sudden whistle closely behind me. I turn around to see a girl I hadn't seen there before, but the first thing I noticed about her was that she was more than gorgeous. Dark complected, and her chocolate brown locks fell a few inches past her shoulder. Her glossy brown eyes took my breath away. "I thought you would need some help," She said, her German accent just as stunning as her looks. Another sudden whistle came, and soon enough the horse came galloping. She caught him herself, clipping the leadrope I'd assumed she used for her own horse onto Salute's halter, leading him into the pasture again, unclipping the leadrope and dropping it on the ground next to the fence. "Skylar. You?" Obviously asking me for my name. "Err, Brett. Brett Hills." I said, smiling at the girl sitting directly infront of me on the grass. If I wasn't smart enough, I would have thought I was dreaming.

And that was just how it started.

» I HONESTLY DID FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT TELLING HER ABOUT the habit that I had taken up, either. I really, really was planning to tell her. But whenever I was going to, something else came up and either I forgot about it, or it would have been a bad time anyway. I felt bad for not going to class that day, either. Mr. Fernnice was the last person I wanted to see after 'the incident' I had just experienced. Now Skylar was sitting in class alone. Smart, Brett. Smart. I thought as I lay on my bed, smoking a joint, relaxing for the day instead of sitting in school, letting Skylar going through all the torture of that day. Really smart. I inhaled deeply, letting the feeling of the warm, smoky sensation running through my body, relaxing me more and more by the drag. The feeling kept getting stronger, I felt more and more intact with everything, and then I just wasn't aware of anything anymore.

» MY EYES FLICKED OPEN, MY BREATHING IRREGULAR, AND THE
bright flourescense of the lights nearly blinding me. The first thought that came to my mind; Where the hell was I? Things came to me slowly, though. First it started with the sounds. It was all silent, except for the extremely loud, annoying beeping noise coming from some machine next to me. Next, I gained my sense back. I knew where I was, but not exactly. I recognized the room as being a hospital room, hence the loud beeping monitor in the machine next to me and the needle stuck in the crook of my right elbow. What I didn't quite get until a few minutes later was why I was here. The last thing I had remembered doing was smoking a joint. That had to be it. I normally didn't do that kind of drug, so I had most likely overdosed. That's great, I wonder if Skylar knew? She had to, somehow. It was probably all over the school by now.
Perfect.

» AND HOW IRONIC THAT WAS. I HEARD THE VOICE OF A NURSE outside the door, along with a very familiar, feminine voice. Only one person came to mind. Skylar. The nurse opened the door, Skylar running in and jumping ontop of me. I hadn't noticed how weak I really was at the moment, but I guess I had just woken up from a coma. I shouldn't have been too suprised. But my weakness did not stop me from doing what I wanted. I pressed my lips to Skylars, her's pushing back. But it only lasted for a moment before she pulled away, asking a rather vitally important question, that was hard to answer. "Why didn't you tell me?" I thought for a minute, closing my eyes to think. "I-" She cut me off before I got the chance to answer. "Shh. Nevermind. I can get us out of here." She whispered in my ear, too quiet for any of the doctors or nurses to hear. She pressed her lips firmly against mine, moving aggressivly. I began to get an adrenaline rush, the excitement rushing through my veins. Eventually it got to the point where she had my shirt off and acrossed the room, and hers was off and... who knows where. But damn, was she sexy. We didn't realize at first when the doctors left, who knows how long it was ago. But we noticed shortly after they left, we got dressed, snuck out, and went back to Skylar's house for some more fun that night.

And quite a night it was.

» THE LAST TIME I HAD EVER SET MY EYES ON MY DEAR SKYLAR Whitaker, was not only two months ago at the least, at Wellington Hills. It was more of a reuniting kind of thing, but it didn't work out that way for long. We didn't get the chance to spend hardly any time together before her parents figured out about me. Apparently, they didn't like me. They grounded her, 'forbid' her from ever seeing me ever again, and forced her to move to Germany with them. Was I that bad of an influence? God damn, fucking Fernnice. I would never, ever, ever be able to forgive him for the sick, disgusting things he did, and thought. My heart throbbed even harder at the thought. I had never, ever had anymore hate towards someone than him. I would do anything to get back at him. To get my Skylar back in my arms forever. Did he even know about this? I doubt it. But yet again, maybe somehow. He was a stalker, he could be out for me next for all I know. But the fact of it just made me sick. My stomach churned, throbbing along with my heart. I leaned back, now laying on my back on the ground, looking up at the bright blue sky above, not a cloud in sight. Oh, California. I just wanted to go back to my home town, Miami, Florida for a while. At least there I could be myself, because everyone knew me. There was nothing to hide anymore. I was happy there. I was almost eighteen, too, I didn't have to live by my parent's rule's anymore. Although, who says I'd even be alive by the time I was eighteen anyway? Who knows what could happen. The past was the past, the present was the present, and the future

was the future.

Status ;; finished!
Words ;; 1,780
Lyrics ;; title - This Love, This Hate - Hollywood Undead
text banner - Knife Called Lust - Hollywood Undead
Notes ;; happy birthday lyndsey! =]
Copyright ;; Post written by Cassie at Forever & Always. Idea and inspiration is to Cassie and Lyndsey aka Tabs at Forever & Always. Post format was created by Cassie at Forever & Always. Pretty much everything in this post is copyrighted and created and originally Cassie's idea at Forever & Always. If you steal or take without my permission you will wake up in a banana box in the middle of Cuba the next morning. Got it? Good.

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s k y l a r . w h i t a k e r
OF ALL THE GIRLS TOSSING ROCKS AT YOUR WINDOW
I'LL BE THE ONE WAITING THERE EVEN WHEN IT'S COLD

- My hands were shaking and tears still stung my blue eyes. It had been a year since I saw Brett. The one guy I knew I would spend the rest of my life with, only to see him curl over in more pain then you would imagine over a girl who looked about fifteen and was dead. I looked to the blade in my hand and back to myself in the mirror. What was happening? I stroked the soft skin on the underside of my wrist with my knuckles, shining blade still in hand. I gripped the counter of the sink with my one free hand, my knuckles turning deathly white. Mu eyes fell closed and I clenched my jaw. Tears I had tried to hold in did not agree with me. They streamed down my face, all happiness from life gone. I let go of the counter, eyes still staring at scared wrists. Blue eyes traveled to the point of the blade, my thumb traveling along the rigid area. Cool air rushed into my throat with each deep breath I took. I was never this way, never. I wiped away my tears so I could see clearly, though my eyes fell shut, almost ashamed of what was happening. The blade plunged through my skin, the smallest noise escaping my throat. It took my a few moments before I realized the whimper was me.

- I listened to my feet tapping against the sidewalk. It was calming, but my stomach was still churning over and over. My mom had called me to tell me she was pulling me out of Dreamside to return to Wellington. Her words were like lyrics, but it also made my heart drop. What if Brett came back? What if he saw me? What would he say, what would I say? He was my true love and my soul mate. I shook my head, eyes looking at each crack in the sidewalk. My gait springing avoiding each crack and I found myself humming my favorite song. The night was falling and engulfing the daylight. I was never one to be afraid of the dark. I used to love spending each night in the barn, waking up to the sound of the horses eating. It is a memory that keeps me happy every time. My eyes fell closed, and I could feel someone grab my wrist; their hands clammy and sweaty. I turned around my eyes wide with fear. Only to seem the same blonde teacher I had at Dreamside. ”Well, my love. Reunited at once! I’ll be so sad to see you go.” I narrowed my eyes in anger, though my heart was racing and my hands shaking. ”Very funny, just let me go. You can’t make me give you anything anymore. I haven’t seen Brett in forever. Looks like tonight you won’t be getting anything from me.” ”Oh darling, there, there is where you are wrong.” There was a smile placed on his face as he tied my hands together. The rope cutting into my wrists, I said nothing. My mouth agape and too surprised to fight back. He dragged me into the alleyway, darkness consuming us. His lips were pressed against mine, my whole body bending backwards trying to free myself. His lips traveled down my neck and his hands fumbling with my shirt as he tried to get it over my head. My mouth opened and I tried to scream, only to have him hands placed over my mouth. ”We won’t be having any of that tonight.” His hands then struggled with my jeans, only to have his own off. My mind was screaming at me, ‘Fight back, fight back!’ but my whole body seemed frozen, unable to move. Chilling feeling was exploding inside of me, and I knew every outcome from this. The only thing that seemed to calm my nerves was believing I wasn’t laying on cold alleyway street, but laying in Brett’s arms.

- The blade clunked down on the bathroom floor, blood spewing down pale skin. My whole body was shaking as I just watched the crimson liquid travel down my arm. I ran my finger through my hair, bloody wrist cradled against my stomach. I wiped the cool tears away, before trying to find the gauze in the mirror cabinet. Band-aids, but no gauze. I closed the cabinet, looking at myself in the mirror once again. My head shaking as I looked at my wrist, reading each scar, including the newest. Hands gripped the sink handle, and turned. Cool water streaming down from the fosset. I looked down at the blood again and back to the mirror before finally allowing the water to dilute the blood on my wrist. Pain was screaming in my head, though it was a release. I turned the water off and grabbed the dark purple towel and wrapped it around my wrist as I bent down and opened the cabinet beneath the sink searching for the gauze. I knew I had some, but where? ”Here we go!” I wrapped the gauze tightly around my wrist, ripped the end, and found some tape. I walked out of the bathroom, and down the hall. My eyes focusing on the large kitchen clock,”Shit.” I grabbed the keys lying on the coffee table before looking at my wrist. It would be the end of me.

- My wrist stung every time I turned the wheel. So, I placed my one good hand on the wheel and the cut wrist on my lap. My eyes on the road, and Guess sunglasses on, I pulled into this new barn and found a parking spot before bringing the silver car to a halt. I pushed the sunglasses to the top of my head and looked out to the arenas. I took another deep breath before turning the car off and pulling the keys from the ignition. I dropped the keys in the drink holder and opened the door and stepped out.

- My parents had pulled me away from Wellington when I last saw him. It wasn’t as if didn’t break my heart again. I told him I wanted to talk and the moment he saw me he brightened up. Though, not even a moment he frowned and pretty much said he wanted nothing to do with me. It broke my heart. Of course, I had to speak to Ellen and of course I told her everything. Down to Brett doing drugs, overdosing, having sex, past girlfriends and not even forgetting to tell her that he was the only guy I’d ever want to have in my life. I also had told her about Mr. Fernnice. She had promised to keep it a secret, though not even thirty minutes later my parents called to say I was coming home. Telling me America helped with nothing but turning me into a whore. I loved my parents dearly, but when they said Ellen was calling Brett to say I was dead I nearly flipped. I came home like they had wanted, but I only spent a few days. I put together a bag, and pulled money from my father’s credit card to buy a flight with cold hard cash.

- I knew they would worry, but I didn’t care. I had to see Brett, make sure he knew the truth. Now I was here, but my heart was in my throat and stomach fluttering away. He had turned me down at Wellington and I didn’t see why he wouldn’t now. Blue eyes caught sight of him by the pastures; he seemed to be gazing out at nothing. My hands clenched together, my teeth biting into my lip. I walked up to him slowly, letting my hands fall to my sides. I saw down next to him, trying to hold his warmth as if it was the last time I saw him. My legs were placed in front of me, wearing jean shorts and a Beatles t-shirt let me help a bit of a tan. The grass swayed by my ankles, and black converse blended not so well with it. My hands were placed on his own hands, my fingers entwined in his almost trying to hold him to me. I leaned over pressing my lips lightly on his neck, and my long chocolate locks were held back with a single ponytail holder. I wore makeup, just like before. I wasn’t turning emo, or goth with all black. My voice was low as I spoke, “Brett, I don’t know if you have another lover. Or if you’d even want to be with a disgusting whore like me ever again, but I’ll understand either way. I’ll tell you now, I know how hard it was for you to see me at Wellington with these cuts because you’ve gone through it with Cassie, but it’ll be the last. I promise.”

- I could feel the tear building up behind my eyes, my arm holding my stomach. I knew I had to tell him, no matter how much I didn’t. It wasn’t my fault, it couldn’t be. I closed my eyes, only to have tears find their way through between my eyes. The cold tears flowing down my face. I didn’t want to cry around him, I wanted to be the same strong girl I was before to him. I couldn’t tell him about it before; he turned me away too quickly. Now, I was afraid it would be the last thing needed to push him away forever. My hands were clammy, but I still held tight onto his. My eyes looking ahead of me, trying to see what he was seeing. I shook my head, pulling my hand away not in anger, but fear. I used both arms to pull my knees closer to me. My head resting on my knees and my eyes closed as I cried. My voice was quiet and broken up in my sobs, but I spoke so clearly it shocked even me. “Brett,” I swallowed, every nerve in my body tight, causing me to shake. I only wanted him closer, but this truth I was sure, would drive him away. “I’m pregnant.” In a weaker voice that seemed to be lower then a whisper I spoke one last time, “Sadly, it isn’t your child from the last time. I-I-I was walking home after getting a bite to eat at the café, whe-e-e-n-n Mr. Fernnice- I swallowed deeply, “raped me.”

NAME skylar annette whitaker
WORDS 1,743
OOC finished
COPYRIGHTS character copyright to Skylar at Wellington Hills. Signature picture is also copyright to me. Photograph taken by its rightful owner. Person is Miranda Kerr. Post and post format is copyright to me. Get that through your thick skull or someone will be killed or get their balls ripped off. That goes to girls too.

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[Brookelle Van Cordlandt]

BRETT § HILLS

» ALTHOUGH THE PAST WAS THE PAST, THE PRESENT WAS THE present and the future was the future, I was a hypocrite when it came to saying you should live by those things. I couldn't let go of the past. As much as I tried, it became even more and more impossible. And just recently, I had officially given up on trying. It just caused me more pain, and I don't think I really needed anymore of that. But yet again, like there wasn't going to be other things that would pop up in my way anyway. Did it even matter?

» I DOUBT I WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION for myself. I didn't think about it, either. I kept myself distracted by other things -- the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, some of the horses galloping and frolicking through the pastures, and some just grazing on the grass. The heat of the sun beating down on my face, the birds chirping in the distance. I couldn't be sure really, but I thought I heard a familiar voice, that same German accent, so close I could almost feel her breath on my ear. “Brett, I don’t know if you have another lover. Or if you’d even want to be with a disgusting whore like me ever again, but I’ll understand either way. I’ll tell you now, I know how hard it was for you to see me at Wellington with these cuts because you’ve gone through it with Cassie, but it’ll be the last. I promise.” I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side, looking directly at the face of the one who I had fallen in love with ever since that first moment at Wellington. Was I dreaming, or was this real? The pain inside me was too strong for it to be a dream, but really, wasn't she dead? That, I questioned.

» I SAT THERE FOR A MOMENT, JUST CONFUSED AND LOST. WAS this real or not? I didn't know what to say, really. The words just rambled out of my mouth freely, no thought put into them. "Skylar- I-I thought you were dead?" I had to be hallucinating or something. If anyone walked over they'd probably look at me like I was crazy and walk away, for talking to myself. But still, this was too real. I really didn't know what was happening, I was just going along with it. I swallowed hard, suprised at what she had said. Did she really think that way? "Skylar, listen." I paused, taking a moment to think about how I was going to say it. "I care about you more than anyone. At Wellington, I didn't walk away. I was just overwhelmed. Skylar-" I paused again, holding suspense for the both of us. I looked straight into her eyes, making sure the both of ours were locked."Why wouldn't I want you?" I said, so soft it was almost in a whisper. "I'll love you forever. And I mean that."

» THIS WAS AN INTERESTING WAY TO REUNITE. A BIT AWKWARD, which was normal, but I was still doubting this was even real. I could wake up any moment and this could all have been a dream. But the pain I was feeling already was too real, it wasn't possible for it to exist in a dream. I held her hand firmly as she entwined her fingers with mine, even if this wasn't real, for now, I was going to live in the moment. “Brett,” She said, taking her hand away from mine, wrapping her arms around her knees as she suddenly began to sob. I can honestly say I had never seen her this way before, it was suprising... did I say something? Why was she breaking down like this? Of course, I had to ask, "Babe, what's wrong?" I said, moving in closer to lay next to her as I wrapped my arms around her. I stayed there, letting her sob as she wanted, showing her I was there, still, even at a moment like this. But what she said next took me by a bit of a shock, and lucky an explanation was followed shortly after, or I don't know what I would have done. "“I’m pregnant.” She paused, then continuing, “Sadly, it isn’t your child from the last time. I-I-I was walking home after getting a bite to eat at the café, whe-e-e-n-n Mr. Fernnice-" Another few seconds of silence. "Raped me."

» ALTHOUGH IT WAS HIGHLY EXPECTABLE FOR THAT MAN TO DO such a thing, I was shocked. A billion questions raced through my mind at once, How? When? Why? How far along was she? But I couldn't answer them for myself. I wasn't quite sure how to respond, would I cry with her? Sit there silently while she sobbed and explained more? Both? I took my arms off from around her, since I was probably suffocating her. Instead I intwined my fingers with hers once again, showing her that I still cared, no matter what. I wasn't sure of what to say, either. If it was piss her off, make her angry, or what. But, I had to say something. "W-What are we going to do?" I paused, thinking of something to add to that to try to comfort her a bit more. "I want to get one thing straight, now. Don't think that it pushed me away, no matter what happens, I'm here for you, no matter what. I promise that." And I ment it. From now on, no matter what I said to her, what I did, would always be the truth. And when I promised her something, I would keep it. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but since we were only teenagers, that couldn't happen yet. But, it wouldn't hurt to at least gain her trust back right here, right now, since this looked like we would stay together again. And hopfully,

for good.

Status ;; finished
Words ;; 1,o12
Lyrics ;; title - This Love, This Hate - Hollywood Undead
text banner - Knife Called Lust - Hollywood Undead
Notes ;; none
Copyright ;; Post written by Cassie at Forever & Always. Idea and inspiration is to Cassie and Lyndsey aka Tabs at Forever & Always. Post format was created by Cassie at Forever & Always. Pretty much everything in this post is copyrighted and created and originally Cassie's idea at Forever & Always. If you steal or take without my permission you will wake up in a banana box in the middle of Cuba the next morning. Got it? Good.

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