Post by Brookelle Van Cordlandt on May 4, 2009 18:00:34 GMT -5
BRETT § HILLS
» MY LIFE IS PRETTY WELL FUCKED, AND THERE'S NO DOUBT IT'S my fault. If I never went to that party in eighth grade, probably none of the drama I had had in my past would have happened. I wouldn't have gotten introduced to drugs and alchohol and sex so early. Under-age, much? I don't remember much of what happened that night anymore, just a summary of it all. There was lots of alchohol, some drugs (although I wasn't involved in any that night) and a girl involved. Something that I thought was so cool that night, overall, just led into one of the biggest, stupidest decisions I had ever made. It didn't affect me right away, but over time instead. It had the greatest affect on me Junior year of High School... that was the worst. But that year as well, I met Skylar. She was my hero, honestly. To tell the truth, it had to be love at first site. She helped me more than anyone could, and no matter how much my parents, or Cassie even tried, they couldn't even get me to cut down on my habits. I don't know how Skylar did it, but she was like my new, different kind of addiction. Not meaning to copy that Edward Cullen guy, but "she was my own personal brand of heroin." Wasn't a big fan of the saying, but it fit, in a weird kind of way.
» AND ALTHOUGH I HONESTLY WAS WORKING ON QUITTING, THAT had been taking kind of a long time. I really had cut down a lot on smoking and drugs than I had before, but sometimes I had my moments and my cravings that I desperatly needed to satisfy, no option. Shooting, smoking, sniffing, I've done all of it, to be honest. But right now I didn't feel like having the crook of my elbow or my nose bleeding, and hopefully no one was around, so smoking was the way to go for now.
» I SAT ON A ROCK, LEANING AGAINST THE TREE NEXT TO A QUAINT little stream running only a few yards away from where I was. I looked around, nothing but trees surrounded me, and listening carefully, I couldn't hear any signs of humans or horses being nearby. Perfect. Thinking about what I really was doing to myself made me hate myself, and there was no doubt I was a terrible kid in general. I was the kind of kid everyone looked down on. My own parents even hated me, I was sure of that. I lost count a long time ago on how many times they said they hated me, or so badly wished they could kick me out. I bit my lip at the thought, sprinkling the white powder called heroin onto a small slip of paper, rolling it into a tube and lighting the tip with my poor neglected lighter that I hardly used anymore. I put the end of the smoking tube of paper to my lips, inhaling slowly. Ah, everytime I did this I remembered how much I almost missed it. The warm tingly feeling in my throat and lungs, and the sudden lightness in my head was so addicting, there really was no good explanation I could give someone of it. I coughed as I inhaled a second time, I was getting dizzy, but it was a good kind of dizzy. I was dazed, not really aware of a lot. Like the strong breeze blowing through the trees, the temperature and humidity, or any sounds, really. I was there, but I wasn't. The feeling was almost like sleeping, but of course you were still awake. My head rested in the palm of my hand, bent over and leaning against my leg as I inhaled and took in the smoke once more, getting higher and higher with every puff. Sure, it was extremely stupid for me to do this, the stupidest decision I had ever made, ever. But at moments like this, I didn't regret it. Because the main thing, was that it made me feel like I was on the same page as everyone else, everyone got along, and everyone
understood me.
S t a t u s ;; finished
W o r d s ;; o,7oo
N o t e s ;; OPEN FOR WILLIAM ONLY
C o p y r i g h t ;; Copyright of this post goes to Cassie at Forever && Always. Format of this post and main idea is by Cassie at Forever && Always. All images in this post are created by Cassie at Forever && Always. Images used for Brett Hills are Alex Mckee, and the images used for him belong to it's rightful owner. If I see anyone stealing any of this without my permission of use or claiming that it's there's will be immediatly knocked unconcious and wake up in a banana box somewhere in Cuba surrounded by ravaging monkeys with sticks. Got it? Good.