--- lay me to rest ,, rhodri only

[Cassie & Brett Hills]

C A S S I E
forsaken me, ashes to dust just let me lie
lay me to rest, i've done my best but lost my sight

» BLUE EYES STARED AT THE RED DIGITAL NUMBERS ON THE clock next to me, reading off ‘ten fourty five am.’ Even though it was later in the morning, nearly everyone was still passed out or asleep, and those who had woken had left. The smell of smoke, vomit and stale alchohol still filled the air from the night before, which to no suprise I couldn't remember. Shit, I thought. What had I gotten into? Yet again, it probably wasn't anything new. I rolled over in the bed so I was laying on my back, thats when I noticed there was a guy laying next to me. Some memories from last night were slowly coming back to me, but I wasn't having much luck on what had really happened. I arrived at the party, grabbed a glass of vodka, smoked something, danced a little with a guy, and that was it. By now the ceiling almost seemed to be staring straight back at me, I felt like I was going into a trance before I finally snapped out of it, deciding to get up out of bed and get dressed, pulling on my dirty clothes that were full of the smell of smoke and alchohol. The stench gave me a throbbing headache, but once I was back at my dorm I'd just take an advil, and I'm sure I would be fine the rest of the day. Normally I didn't get hangovers.

» IT HIT ME AGAIN AND AGAIN EVERYDAY, ALL THE SAME AS IT did the first time. My twin brother, whom was closest to me in my entire life, the only one who knew every single detail about me was dead. It had been what, about a month and a half now after the shooting? It wasn't fair, I couldn't believe in myself just as much as that he was actually gone. For good. There was no coming back. Not a dream, not a nightmare, this was the real thing. The feeling overwhelmed me, and luckily there was a bench close by that I had to go sit down and collapse on. The sun was bright shining right into my eyes, so I rested my forehead in my palm while my arm was leaning against the arm of the bench. A single tear rolled down my face as all the memories i've had with Brett all ran through my head at a million miles an hour. The tears began to come down faster and heavier, turning into a sob, and it was then I knew that I had to get back to my dorm, immediatly. I took off in a sprint, my throat was beginning to dry out since I was running against the wind, and my black hair whipped back and got even more tangled than it already was. I nearly face planted while running up the stairs, but eventually I got to my dorm, made sure to lock the door and threw myself at the bed. I knew this was a complete breakdown, but I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't fucking take it anymore, it wasn't fair. I was honestly suprised I didn't just go hang myself at the funeral about a month ago. Fuck, I wanted to go home. Wait, no, I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to think anymore. I wanted to end the pain, and I knew exactly how to do that. I thrust myself off the bed, my sight was blurry and my eyes suddenly began to sting from all my make up that had smeared in them, but that didn't matter. I got down on my hands and knees, sliding my hand between the wall and the nightstand and feeling around a bit before I felt the tip of my finger hit something sharp. Bingo. I grabbed it, heading into the bathroom and leaning over the sink, staring at the little silver blade for a minute. I had stopped crying by now, there really was no more tears left. Now I just found it hard to breath, which wasn't important anyway. I took the blade and pressed it firmly at the top of my wrist, making sure to somewhat dig in before I roughly and quickly drug it down diagnolly, blood splattering everywhere before it finally just decided to pour out itself. I stared at the big gash, emotionless for a minute before I decided, nope, not enough physical pain to cover up emotionally yet, but yet again, that didn't matter. That was only what I was used to doing. I did the same to my wrist in the opposite direction, even more blood pouring out now. I stared at the red X shape on my arm now, starting to feel slightly dizzy I fell to the ground, I didn't pay attention to where the razor went. I just stared there for a minute before nearly all I could see around me was red. The puddle around me was expanding quickly, and the more it did the more I couldn't breath. Finally, I just slowly felt myself slip away, I began to fall into a black abyss as it surrounded me more and more, creeping up before me, until I just wasn't there anymore. Not feeling anything, not aware of anything, just gone. That was the end, I had officially overcome my pain. For good. Not leaving a single goodbye to anyone.


S T A T U S finished
W O R D S nine hundred and ten
N O T E S hooray for suicidal-ness ! *clappy clap*
C O P Y R I G H T the format of this post was coded and created by cassie at forever and always. person used for cassie hills is hannah beth. all images belong to its rightful owner. any use or claiming as their own without cassie's permission results in a serious punishment, such as being knocked unconcious, only to wake up in a banana box somewhere in the bahamas surrounded by monkeys. got it? good.